StoneToss: Episode 28

Comic Name: Wetwork

Description: Today’s comic was contributed as a suggestion from the very talented HeheSilly Comics. You can check out her Gab here, and her twitter page (run by a fan) here.

Mouseover: Guns don't kill people, coat hangers kill people.

Originally Published: 3/22/2018

What The Comic Is: A woman holds a sign, obscured by her talk bubble. She explains that banning abortion would merely result in people seeking abortions in an unsafe and illegal way. She then questions the man she's speaking with, wondering why he asked. In the third panel, her sign is revealed to read "BAN GUNS".

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: That abortions are guns. 

Why It's Fucking Stupid: HeHeSilly Comics appears to be an irregularly updated comic by someone who is a bizarre mixture of the "very le random aesthetic" that is normally reserved for hyper-liberal Tumblrites mixed with raging pro-Trump anti-leftist sentiment. Imagine if StoneToss comics were even more basic, slightly less openly bigoted and instead of tracing Shmorky he traced anything you'd find on r/comics. That's HeHeSilly Comics. Just in case you were wondering if anyone who likes StoneToss's comics was any smarter than StoneToss himself, well, it turns out: They Fucking Aren't!

This comic is very reminiscent of an earlier comic featured on this blog, in which StoneToss, in his infinite wisdom and mental prowess, compared guns to weed. Not one to let their laughable stupidity be called into challenge, the heroic HeHeSilly Comics rushed in, casually bumping StoneToss to the side. It was time to show this amateur how a real idiot makes ridiculous comparisons that don't make any sense. Whispering into StoneToss's ear like the serpent to Eve, HeHeSilly Comics imparted their vision. StoneToss's eyes set like marble blocks. His jaw hung slightly agape. The taste of salt kissed his lip from the lone tear that ran from his eye. His penis stiffened from the confines of his unwashed gym shorts. It was too good. Why hadn't he thought of it? How had this "HeHeSilly Comics" come up with something so intricate and yet so simple in its sheer idiocy? It should have been his. It would be his. 

"Hehe," StoneToss feigned a laugh. "Yeah, that's, er, that's a really silly idea."

"I know," HeHeSilly Comics gloated, as she reached her hand into her pants to pull out a fistful of her own feces. Popping it into her mouth, she chewed away in triumph. 

HeHeSilly Comics turned away, hands on hips, soaking in their ego as they swallowed a mouthful of turd. StoneToss gripped hard on his stylus as he made to sit down as his tablet. He spared a single swift glance to make sure that HeHeSilly Comics was still ripe to be caught unawares. In one motion, his stylus flew through the air like a bullet, catching HeHeSilly Comics hard in the temple of their cranium. HeHeSilly Comics fell hard to the ground, making no attempt to break their fall. They were dead.

And then StoneToss made this shitty comic.

Look, this might really shock HeHeShitty Comics and StoneToss, but guns are not abortions. The issue with getting an abortion when it's illegal and getting a gun when it's illegal are entirely different issues. As you may well know, a popular pro-abortion argument is that, without legal means to seek abortion, women will undergo 'underground abortions', terminating their pregnancy in questionable or outright dangerous medical procedures or attempting to induce miscarriage through drug use. This is a human health issue. It is completely impossible to compare to the argument that "if guns weren't legal, people would just get them illegally, anyways". It's literally two entirely different problems. 

You know, if StoneToss and his dumbass friends have really good arguments for gun control (for real), then why the fuck do all of these comics suck? Is false equivalency between firearms and coat hangers the best they can come up with? Maybe StoneToss is just envious. If he has to carry all of his shitty ideas to term and turn them into webcomics, then maybe everyone has to carry to term?

Comic Name: Educa-shun

Description: You don’t need the necronomicon to attain forbidden knowledge.

Mouseover: Around urban youths never relax.

Originally Published: 3/27/2018

What The Comic Is: A man fingers another man, demanding self-education. After his fingering, the man reads from a book. In the final panel, with a worried expression on the man's face, it is revealed the title of the book is "FBI CRIME STATISTICS".

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: Disproportionate police action and arrest against black Americans is an accurate reflection of the rate crime is committed by all skin colors, and that the USA's oppressive systemic racism has nothing to do with crime. 

Why It's Fucking Stupid: This would be one of the first times StoneToss cites crime statistics. A normal white supremacist talking point are the "13/50" and "13/90" ratios that cite that 13% of the population (black), commit 50% of crime or 90% of murder/homicide. Whether this statistic is even true or not is very debatable, but even if blacks commit a larger percentage of crimes despite their population size, the question is: Why?

"That's easy!" StoneToss laughs. "It's because they're naturally inclined to violence and their IQs are lower. It just makes sense. If you're an idiot." 

Yeah, let's ignore the hundreds of years of systemic oppression that is baked into the very foundation of the USA as a country, something that still persists to this day. Let's ignore the generational poverty many blacks have been stuck in for the last one hundred and a half years or so. Let's also ignore that there are simply not nearly as many white communities in this country that are as impoverished and lacking of advantage as there are black communities, so even trying to find fair comparisons is literally impossible. Let's ignore studies that show when financial and living situations improve, crime goes down at the same rate among all communities across the country. Nah, it's just because black people listen to rap and don't have fathers and deal drugs and have low IQs and own pit bulls and fuck StoneToss's wife while he watches at the foot of the bed on his kne-OH SHIT STONETOSS YOU ACCIDENTALLY DEVELOPED AN INTERACIAL CUCKOLD FETISH WITH YOUR NON-EXISTENT FEMALE LOVE COMPANION AGAIN, GO BACK MAN GO BACK GO BACK GO BACK. 

What's funniest about this comic is, like usual, it makes an actual point; that crime statistics in the USA are disproportionate. Most people would think "maybe the answer is that black people have been historically disadvantaged in this country", but StoneToss doesn't like that. If his race isn't the best race, then what else does he have going for him??? His Shmorky art???? No. It has to be that black people are naturally inferior. After all, it's what the Nazis believed, and StoneToss says he isn't a Nazi. So it makes sense he believes the same thing the Nazis believed, because that's how not Nazi StoneToss is.

I have a ratio I like to call the 1/100 ratio. 1 man makes 100% of StoneToss's shitty webcomics. If black people supposedly have low IQs because of genetics, then what the fuck is StoneToss's excuse for himself?

Oh yeah, and if StoneToss's incredible nuance went above your head at all, the mouseover of the comic is a reference to the racist "Around blacks, never relax" motto (that doesn't even really fucking rhyme). StoneToss IQ good. Black people IQ bad. Oog oog.