StoneToss: Episode 30: Special Edition I

Warning: This is an extra long post. tl;dr: thanks for reading and helping the blog grow, I have plans to update and expand it in the near future so ~stay tuned~

First of all, thanks to everyone for helping my blog reach 100k views. It's still going stronger&longer every day, even as we reach a whopping thirty posts on StoneToss. Even at the rate I'm going, there's still so many stupid fucking StoneToss comics that need to be covered. But I'm dedicated to doing it, if you're dedicated to reading it. Together we can enjoy the raw stupidity that is StoneToss for months, years, decades(?) to come.

As part of the celebration in hitting 100k and also to commemorate the 30th post (which just so happens to coincide with the 100k views) I am planning several pretty major updates to this blog. I started writing this thing a little over a year ago, in early October 2019. It's crazy to think it was a whole year ago, but here we are. Originally I posted a chunk of comics all at once, though the attention I got was pretty sparse. I actually kind of abandoned the blog for many, many months as I got busy with IRL bullshit. The whole Covid thing happened, though, and I was unemployed for awhile making phat stackz from unemployment. During this time I decided to pick up this blog again, and the reception I got upon returning to it was far more attention from readers. In just five months the blog shot up in daily traffic and it's encouraged me to get more serious about what this blog is.

I've recently begun doing two comics each post in an effort to burn through the excessive catalogue of StoneToss' work. More recently I've settled on a scheduled format for updates. I have more big announcements planned for the immediate future, so keep an eye on this stupid little blog of mine.

I want to thank the subreddits that allow me to post my work on them. They've been crucial to getting people to notice what I'm doing. I also want to thank all of the people who read my blog and enjoy what I am doing. I want to thank people who leave stupid comments about what a drone I am or how my blog sucks, your petulant trolling adds much needed flavor to my work. Foremost, however, I want to thank StoneToss, for who's comics this blog would not exist without. Just as a great artist needs a muse, so to do I need a whiny, bigoted man child from which to craft the art of my trade. Thank you all. 

Please, subject yourselves to an XXXtra long installment of StoneToss Is An Idiot.

Comic Name: Star Mangled Banner

Description: Inspired by the latest push for the USA to intervene in the middle east.

Mouseover: No more wars for Israel.

Originally Published: 4/10/2018

What The Comic Is: A boy sits at a school desk, one of his legs mangled badly and bent at a highly unnatural angle. The intercom tells the students to prepare for the pledge of allegiance, to which the student scoffs. His teacher lambasts him for his attitude, recounting the deaths of friends who died while protecting the flag. The kid asks Mr. Jones if he's lost his glasses again, and the last panel shows Mr. Jones confused as Israel's flag flies behind him in the classroom. 

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: Jews Will Not Replace Us.

Why It's Fucking Stupid: The country of Israel defines itself as Jewish. The historical holy land of Jews, Christians and Muslims, it contains the holy city of Jerusalem. How Jewish is Israel? It puts the Star of David, primary symbol of modern Judaism, on its flag. You could say that the country Israeli Jewish, ahahaHAHAHAHAH.

Conservatives don't generally promote the USA's involvement in foreign affairs, unless a Republican President promises weapons of the new, clear variety. And if there's a bunch of oil that wealthy politicians can get their fingers into. Maybe StoneToss was critical of the USA's past involvement in the middle east, or maybe he was alright with it because we were invading countries full of oil instead of ones just full of (((other stuff))). Anyways, point being is that in 2017, US President Donald Trump came out with his announcement that the USA would begin to recognize the city of Jerusalem as being Israel's capital. Why this is important is a very complex issue that we won't really get into here, as there's no good way to explain it without an essay on the history of the city, the country and the people living in it. The best summary I could give you is that Jerusalem is a city roughly divided into an east half and a west half (think like east and west Germany, complete with a separating the two). Israel claims to own both halves while Palestine claims the eastern half. The status of what the fuck Palestine even is, as a government entity and which countries recognize its status, is also up for debate. Anyways, the city is divided into two with disputed borders and government rule. Trump's move to recognize Jerusalem as Israel's capital was then to recognize the entire city as being under Israel's control; a highly criticized political move by many other governments. 

SoooOOOooo, other than being very complicated with varying stances between Jerusalem and Palestine on who governs what and how officially they govern it, what the fuck do the Jews have to do with this? Like I said before, Israel considers itself a Jewish state. StoneToss does not like Jews. Putting two and two together, yet? This comic is therefore a ridiculous slippery slope fallacy in which StoneToss equates US pro-Israel policy to Jewish undermining of the United States, eventually taking the entire country over somehow. Trump's stance on Israel has been a point of contention with some of his followers, for these supporters adept enough to even understand the situation (or at least understand biased, anti-Semitic hot takes concerning it), they are conflicted. They supported Trump because he was anti-black and brown people, but he falters at being anti-Jew. StoneToss is incapable of stopping short of simply not wanting the USA to involve itself in foreign affairs and has to turn it into an issue of not wanting to aid Israel specifically, because then that means (((((((((((((they))))))))))))))) are influencing America, which obviously means the Jews are going to replace America. Obviously.

Funny enough, while StoneToss would go on to make another somewhat pro-Trump comic (that references Jews; we'll get to it eventually on this blog) and while StoneToss has riffed on "establishment Republicans" in the past, this strip seems to be the start of a chill between StoneToss and Trump. I guess it's true, you can be the caricature of everything StoneToss could ever want in a President and the second you stop short of full-on genocide of the Jews you're now a cuck.

Comic Name: Tax Abrasion

Description: Happy Tax Day!

Mouseover: Around tax never relax 

Originally Published: 4/17/2018

What The Comic Is: Two men sit alongside one another on a park bench. The first comments that paying taxes is a waste. His friend argues that taxes are the price of living in civilized society. In the third panel, it is revealed that common core, war in the middle east and gay police are all components of "civilized society".

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: Taxes are bad, everything taxes pay for is bad and more Jews Will Not Replace Us nonsense. 

Why It's Fucking Stupid: StoneToss likes to think of himself as some post-post-irony meta Libertarian so it's very little surprise that he dislikes taxes; he's made previous comics and statements about them before, after all. The meat of this comic is just 'TAXES BAD', using cherry picked examples such as Common Core (a newer form of schooling used in tax-funded public education that has admittedly well deserved criticism drawn toward it), or... gay police? I don't get it. Does StoneToss think police are gay? Does he think a special unit of police exist that solely handle gay criminals? I honestly don't fucking know what's gay about the police, or why StoneToss would be anti-police. Nothing happened around the time of the comic's publishing that involved any type of specific news or controversy surrounding gay people or police that I can find. I suppose if anything the takeaway is just that the police allow gay people to serve as officers? StoneToss is nothing if not an absolutely raging homophobe (in addition to everything else he phobes) so it makes sense, I guess.

But the creamy, melted buttery topping of this steak of idiocy is the newspaper. "WAR IN THE MIDDLE EAST AGAIN!" reads the headline. And as if the last comic wasn't on the nose enough with the anti-Semitism, StoneToss feels it's very necessary to add a wringing pair of hands (obviously meant to be an offensive caricature of Jews) to very subtly and very intelligently make this about Israel and the Jews. He could've just left the comic at Common Core and wars and offended very few people, just making it your average Libertarian-leaning "I hate taxes" comic. But StoneToss literally can not do anything if it isn't bigoted against at least one group of people, so here we are. Obviously StoneToss was still feeling upset about Donald Trump, Hitler 2.0 for hopeful young StoneToss, and the Presidential stance on Jerusalem. 

Of course, StoneToss wants to believe the Jews have already infiltrated America's government. Trump is only a (((puppet))) propping up Israel so the Jews can take over America oh my god wake up people can't you see that Obama's name spelled backwards is Jew if you replace the A with a J and the M with an E and the B/O with a W??? Also obviously taxes are a tool of the Jews so they can destroy America with public education (education being the enemy of all bigots) and infrastructure that supports everyone (supporting everyone being the enemy of all bigots).

Now please join along with me in the customary taxing of the gay police officers.

 Comic Name: Founding Bothers

Description: Manifest Destiny can stop at the coasts.

Mouseover: "Give Arabs liberty, or give me death" - every 21st century president 

Originally Published: 5/1/2018

What The Comic Is: A man rushes to the side of George Washington, informing him that the Ottoman Empire is causing trouble in the middle east. The man asks Washington if troops should be deployed. After a blank-faced look, Washington dismisses the concern with a rhetorical question about shit in the middle east.

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: George Washington didn't care about the middle east, therefore America shouldn't care about the middle east over 200 years later. Oh yeah, this is also still about the fucking Jews if you didn't follow along with that. 

Why It's Fucking Stupid: I was originally planning to skip over this comic, as after the previous two installments, StoneToss went on a brief binge of comics that were a little too basic to bother covering on this blog. However, I figured it was important to talk about two things. Firstly, why "but muh founding fawters" is a stupid argument and Nextly, that this is still a comic whining about the aforementioned fucking Jews.

Even if you don't care much about history, the Ottoman Empire is a name you've probably heard before. It was a big ass empire of states that existed for, frankly, a pretty damn long time. From 1299 to shortly after the first World War in 1922, the empire of the Ottomans existed in various sizes across parts of the middle east, Africa and eastern Europe. Existing for over 600 years, it's not hard to see why their motto was "The Eternal Empire" and why we named a piece of furniture after them. By the time Washington was President of America, the Ottoman Empire was already almost half a millennium old. 

StoneToss cherry picks. He cherry picks because he is a fucking idiot. He has no arguments unless he carefully and deliberately picks what parts of reality to base his arguments on. Sure, Washington was at many times in his Presidency strong against America interfering with foreign countries (especially those across the ocean). It's true that by today's standards, these views of Washington would be regarded as incredibly isolationist, but this is a specifically picked element of Washington's leadership and it lacks all context. Washington's isolationism came from a need to prioritize America first; not because Mexicans were moving into California, but because the nation was entirely new and entirely on its own. It fought for independence on the aid of foreign governments and needed to build up its own military and cement its own economy and trade, to say nothing of building the rest of the country. They didn't have the capacity to fight a war in the middle east when Washington was President. It barely had a navy, let alone any ships. 

StoneToss tries to suggest the founding fathers would never go to war with the middle east by using Washington as a mouth piece for his own beliefs. Very oddly enough, however, the USA would be entering the First Barbary War in 1801. This war was fought by Sweden and the USA (just the USA after 1802) against the 'Barbary States' (and also Morocco). The Barbary States, while autonomous, were provinces of the Ottoman Empire. But it doesn't stop there! The USA would have other wars with the Ottoman Empire, culminating in an obscure conflict modernly referred to as World War 1. I guess in the end, the USA really did care about the Ottoman Empire. Funny.

This isn't the first time StoneToss has said something stupid and backed it up solely with "BUT THE FOUNDING FATHERS...", motherfucker, they lived 200 god damn years ago. The inherent issue with citing literally anything about them is that you need to make an argument as to why or why not their policies and actions are relevant to our time in the present. Of course, StoneToss know this, which is why he knowingly cites George Washington in a way that is intentionally dishonest.

Comic Name: Insect Man

Description: Soyper Heroes.

Mousover: Some stupid lennyface

Originally Published: 5/3/2018

What The Comic Is: Ant-Man followed by Spider Man are displayed on the big screen at a film theater. In the third panel, an overweight Marvel fan is ecstatic at seeing his favorite heroes.

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: Liking movies makes you fat and a consumer and taxation is theft but spending your money on anything other than Bitcoin is stupid.

Why It's Fucking Stupid: So this comic actually confuses a lot of readers because it hinges on an obscure reference to a new slang, "bug man", used around places like 4chan's /pol/ board (the political forum of 4chan) to refer to anyone who is a "mindless consumer". It is also used as a racial slur as well, against any race considered to be especially consumer-centric (like many Asians). The insult is as childish and sterile as you can possibly fucking be without devolving straight into Ned Flanders-esque yodly-dodly gibberish, yes.

The comic therefore has a double meaning. StoneToss is mocking a supposed lack of creativity from Marvel because two of their dozens of characters are themed after insects (or rather, one is an insect and the other an arachnid, but close difference either way), while also mocking people who spend money to see the characters. I mean, one is ANT man and the other is SPIDER man! They're like THE SAME GUY and you spend money to see BOTH their movies! *Slaps forehead* I mean, wow I just mean can't you see I mean, wow I just mean *exasperated sputtering*.

I love how StoneToss took the time to draw two of the chairs in the audience empty, lol. Yeah, that's the SiLeNt MaJoRiTy who don't waste their money on movies like soy cucks and instead invest in BITCOIN so they can lose all of their fucking investment in an unstable digital currency. StoneToss doesn't like ANY pop culture and consumes NO media he lives in a one-room house with NO FURNITURE or PICTURES HANGING UP and he drinks only RAIN WATER he collects from the case of his 2004 Gateway PC because spending money on ANYTHING makes you a CUCK and FAT and you eat SOY and you're a BUG.

Comic Name: Wagging the Dog

Description: Sup, dawg? 

Mouseover: Hm, are all dog breeds created equal? 

Originally Published: 5/10/2018

What The Comic Is: A man and his son observe some dogs. The son asks his father why dogs are so wildly different from one another. The man answers that it is their breed. The son asks why dog breeds are such different sizes, to which the father answers that it is their genes. The son asks why some dogs are 'clever' and others are not. The father stammers and a bead of sweat rolls down his forehead as he explains that it is the result of purely economic factors.

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: That humans are dogs and black people are stupid because of their genes.

Why It's Fucking Stupid: This is one of a few comics I couldn't wait to get to. It's a bit satisfying to end such a large post on, really. But anyways, dogs. Humans are apes of the genus homo (lol). Dogs are... well, dogs, of the genus canis. What I'm highlighting here is that humans are not dogs. StoneToss is not a stranger to false equivalency, and there's not an equivalency much falser than comparing dogs to humans.

Obviously the comic is a riff on "all colors of human are equal" and the fact that black people in countries like the USA face struggles that put them at societal and financial disadvantages. Instead, StoneToss tries to show us how ridiculous it would be if we referred to intelligence between dog breeds as being due to 'economic factors'. I mean, yeah, that'd be a pretty stupid fucking thing to say when you consider that dogs don't have an economy or any concept of money. 

Dogs have been selectively and intentionally bred by humans in such a way that has significantly altered almost every different aspect of them, from their colors/shape/size/temperament and their general levels of intelligence. Do you know what humans haven't been selectively breeding traits into? Humans. I mean, some humans did try that once before, actually. We called them the Nazis.

And I'm sure you could selectively breed any kind of human you wanted, given enough time. Maybe we could create full-on "breeds" of human, from the mountainous Great Australian Longleg to the diminutive Teacup Korean. Can you imagine the fucked up skeletons and muscular structures we could breed into our fellow man?! Sigh, if only we had the time. 

However, until that fateful day, it remains that we don't selectively breed traits into humans and therefore we are all very commonly related in terms of body shape, size, color and intelligence that vary not across 'types' or 'breeds' or 'colors' of human, but rather across individuals. 

It's not a surprise that StoneToss doesn't understand dogs very well, though. He probably doesn't ever hang out with any of them. After all, dog the best friend of man; not of spineless unfunny bigots who awkwardly avoid looking black guys in the eyes when in public, lest their repressed interracial cuckold fetish give them a raging 3 inch boner in public.

Thanks for reading this stupid blog. Here's to 100k more views and 100k more StoneToss comics!

Edit: 100k StoneToss comics is way too many, now that I think about it. Let's shoot for, I dunno. Maybe 50, 60 more?