StoneToss: Episode 54

Comic Name: Exit Only

Description: Next they’ll be turning hotdogs into tacos.

Mouseover: Scat is normal.

Image Name: gays-just-like-you-comic1.png

Originally Published: 4/18/2019

What The Comic Is: A man is about to enjoy a bite of a hotdog that has no condiments on it. He stops, alarmed, as he spies a man about to shove a hot dog into his butt. The man shrugs as he plunges the dog up his pooper, commenting that it's normal. 

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: Anal stimulation isn't normal.

Why It's Fucking Stupid: First of all, StoneToss uses hotdogs as an analogy for dicks. Okay, whatever. We've all been there. But he shows the first guy is about to eat the hotdog, so if hotdogs are penises in this scenario, is the first man performing oral sex on a dick? Is oral sex okay, but anal is somehow bad? And after all, nothing reaffirms one's heterosexuality quite like imagining and then drawing a man penetrating his own asshole with a phallus. 

But I digress. StoneToss is using hotdogs as an analogy for 'normal' behavior. It's normal to eat a hotdog, but it'd be strange and abnormal if someone were shoving them in their ass. And yeah, sure, it'd be pretty weird if someone shoved a fully prepared hotdog in a bun up their ass. I can agree with that, I guess. The comic, though, is using a 'nature' argument, that homosexuality is unnatural because biology, humans reproduce by a male mating with a female. This "not as nature intended" argument can easily be extended to transgenders or basically anything that a bigot feels breaches anything other than basic cisgender male-female-penis-in-vagina-sex-for-reproduction-and-never-outside-marriage-despite-the-fact-that-marriage-is-also-not-natural-but-I-guess-bigots-feel-free-to-just-pick-and-choose-whatever-they-want-go-figure-amiright. Again, let's all view StoneToss and how he lives in a hole dugout next to a waterfront, eating small animals, roots, grass, the occasional ruminant and fish. Forgoing fire and crude tools, StoneToss prefers only to live in the most natural ways. And he definitely doesn't stick hotdogs in his ass! No sir! 

Only, nah. He lives in the modern world like the rest of us. So what the fuck does it matter if one thing is "biologically natural" or not? We could point out that homosexual relationships occur among wild animals, or that there is no discernable difference in physiology or brain activity between heterosexual and homosexual individuals, but does it fucking matter? Do we really need to justify homosexuality? Humans have been going to pretty extreme lengths to firmly cement the fact that we are about as removed from nature as you can realistically be without transporting yourself into an alternate reality where the trees are made out of flat screen TVs and water is replaced by high fructose corn syrup dyed with Blue 8. I wonder where StoneToss got the notion that homosexuality isn't natural? Probably from his church, because you can't logically suggest homosexuality goes against nature while disregarding that 1.) It totally doesn't go against nature and 2.) Everything else about humans is removed from nature, anyways. Unless you subscribe to something along the lines of, oh I dunno, that the earth is 4,000 years old and primordial humans never existed. But that would be incredibly dumb! And we all know StoneToss isn't incredibly dumb, right? 

Do you think if we show StoneToss photos of animals engaging in homosexual interactions that he'll draw a comic about two male lions, one about to eat a mouse while the other one awkwardly shoves a mouse up his ass while explaining it's natural? At least he'd win some points with the furry crowd.

The description, "turning hotdogs into tacos" is obviously about gender reassignment surgery, or 'turning penises into vaginas'. It's the typical boring, tired, fake argument of "gay > trans > pedophilia", so StoneToss is really making a greater commentary on the degradation of society (first we accept da homoz, then the trans, then eventually we don't realize the water is boiling and we're accepting pedophiles). That StoneToss stopped short of mentioning pedophilia is less likely due to him being subtle and much more likely due to him lacking the creativity to come up with a food pun about pedophiles. 

Final hot take: A taco made with hotdog meat is literally as American as you can probably fucking get, so it's shocking StoneToss seems to oppose the idea.

Comic Name: High Score

Description: Food for Thot

Mouseover: thot = patroled [sic]

Image Name: sex-education-comic.png

Originally Published: 4/30/2019

What The Comic Is: Two teachers examine a box of sexual education material. One teacher comments that they're unsure if the material is appropriate for children. The other teacher coaxes her not to worry, and for some random reason decides to mention that anal sex is natural. He is shocked, however, when he comes across a page that shows a graph comparing a bride's number of sexual partners to the likelihood of the marriage ending in divorce.

What StoneToss Actually Thinks: Women are whores, ruin their lives and marriages and extra-marital sex is the devil's work.

Why It's Fucking Stupid: StoneToss continues his tradition of becoming focused on a single topic over the course of 2-5 comics. This time he's obsessed with anal sex of all things, but he's using this comic to show that anal sex isn't just for those damn dirty homos! Even in TRUE and HONEST straight relationships, anal is unnatural. Also, it's somehow directly linked to women being sluts! That makes sense! StoneToss is anti-sex ed, which fits in line with his religion-fueled bigotry. There's an unfortunate amount of religious types who are staunchly opposed to any form of sex ed, because their oppressive belief is that "no sex happens before marriage, sex is only for reproduction". Any form of teaching children about sex or safety during sex is seen as counter intuitive to this oppression, since the matter should be literally no sex at all. After all, if you can't wrongly teach a child that sex is somehow a bad thing that will ruin your life, how can you make sure they won't try doing it before getting married to an opposite gendered partner in a church? 

Of course, sex with multiple partners is only bad when a woman does it. StoneToss has never made commentary on men having sex with lots of women. Whether because StoneToss (using himself as a reference point) believes that men can't realistically get with more than one woman in a lifetime or because he subscribes to the (often hand-in-hand theory among religious anti-sex types) adage of "a lock that opens to any key is a bad lock/a key that opens any lock is a good key" remains to be given a shit about. How anal sex works into this is also questionable, it seems StoneToss just wanted to randomly complain about it again. Being a staunch homophobic bigot, it makes sense that StoneToss is opposed to anal sex in a homosexual setting, but it seems his childish policing of other people's lives extends into the realm of man-woman anal sex. This isn't unusual for backwards religious types, though it seems especially random and petty for him to shoehorn the topic into a comic that otherwise focuses on hating women for having sex outside of marriage. 

As for where StoneToss even got the information he uses in his cartoon graph about sex and divorce (he doesn't link a source anywhere), he draws it from very early research that found a base correlation (never a causation, but religious junkies liked to completely disregard that) between a woman's sexual partners and her likelihood of divorcing. I could go on and on about the downright invalid nature of this research, but this article does a much better job than I'd do at it. The tl;dr version is: the reason for divorce rates being so high concerning women with higher numbers of sexual partners was, in the past, largely linked to the USA's overall oppressive stance towards marriage and sexuality. As this changed, so too did divorce rates among women with many sexual partners. Likewise, the reason a large amount of "virgin brides" don't divorce is because they're in deeply traditional and religious communities where divorcing in an unhappy, dead marriage would be so sacrilegious that they grin and bear the marriage rather than divorce. 

But no, it couldn't be oppressive and backwards society. It's just because women are whores! And if a woman has too much sex before marriage, chemicals in her brain (er, or are 'chemicals' too ungodly?) change and reshape, causing her to lose all sensible, Christian thought and fundamentals and ultimately divorce her good, providing white husband so she can get gangbanged by (((socialist))) (((antifa))) (((black))) men (which StoneToss eagerly pleasures himself to while hypocritically condemning the women who produce that very pornography).

It's just so odd that StoneToss is this opposed to anal sex, considering he's such an assfuck himself. Very strange, indeed.